He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
