he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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