Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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