do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
