this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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