Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
