He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
