Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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