so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
did i just pee glitter
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
