so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
