Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
