Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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