When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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