It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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