so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
