When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it's great music for shaving your balls
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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