I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
