Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
