K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
