ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
