I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
