it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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