Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
