How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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