i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize