So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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