I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
