Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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