woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
