I am in a vortex of obligation.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
