You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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