Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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