Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize