she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
