Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
