I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize