I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
