Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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