tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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