THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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