nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
