Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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