I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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