The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
