Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Come on in and take your pants off
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