her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
