i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
