K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
