The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
