wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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