Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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