My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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