i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
