We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
