he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
