sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
