I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
