Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
