I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
