My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
