I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
