Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
