1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
