A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
