I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
