You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
