Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
