we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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