I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
