my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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