I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
