If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
