You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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