i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize