I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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