Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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