I feel like abortions should bother me more
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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