I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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