I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
