Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
