so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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