i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
