dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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