Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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