escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
