This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
