this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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