eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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