Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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