I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Houston, we have a blender
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
