one might say we're banned from that church
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize