Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
