you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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