My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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