she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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