I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
