how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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