3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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