so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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