Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
