Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
