Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
