Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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