what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
