dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
