I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
