Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
